Faith is Not a Choice (And How I Lost Mine).

First, let me state that people don't necessarily 'choose' their beliefs. Instead, they choose how critically (or not) they review new ideas and challenges to their existing beliefs. Atheists don't just 'choose' to dismiss their beliefs, so much as their logical mind eventually defeats their dogma, and a dismissal of the old-belief is inevitable. However, if you can convince someone of an idea before their logical minds are even formed, you're probably going to get the idea to sink-in, unfettered by opposition.

Sadly, children are convinced at a young age to believe in a 'god', and they lack the mental faculties and logical-prowess to protest in any effective manner, not to mention that they rely on their parents for everything. Imagine a six-year old who laughs off a parent's earnest description of god as 'nonsense', what kind of life would this kid have? As a matter of self-preservation, it's probably good that kinds don't protest too much early-on, for the same reason the child needs to listen when the parent warns against touching hot stoves or running into traffic. It's unfortunate that most kids taught religion at a young age are infected for life, and continue to hold ridiculous beliefs they pass on to their kids...so much so that when faced with a devastating logical challenge they will often react completely irrationally.

There's no reason at such a young age to think your parents are lying, deluded or downright bloody stupid. Kids just don't know any better. I knew one kid in school who thought he was an elf, simply because this is something his mom believed as well. He gave an oral report about it....and as funny as it was at the time, I find it kind of depressing now (but he did kinda look like an elf).

A child can see the clear problems with the very definition of things that contradict....like a square circle, or a big-small thing or something that is hot and cold...or other contradictory definitions. However, if you get them young enough, you can pretty much convince them of anything...you're an elf, there's an invisible space-spook watching your every move, and Santa delivers presents on Christmas eve to every kid in the world in one night. Sure, kids outgrow the notion of Santa Claus simply because adults don't really believe it, nor do older kids....but 'god' is a fairy tale most adults DO believe. When a child cries after discovering there's no Santa Claus...this is what some grown-people do when they discover there's no god....except it's all-too often preceded by anger and hostility toward the messenger. Adults seem to be much less resilient than children in this regard.

It's going to be confusing to a child when he/she is told that a god knows everything, is all-powerful and perfect and all-good and loving, but will let mommy's new baby die inside her tummy while the Duggars can pop out 19 of them without issue.

Why?

A kid's 'why' response oftens gets beaten-down early by those who find tough questions to be uncomfortable or threatening. A true-believer won't often call god evil or stupid or cruel as he should...instead people tend to make excuses for this evil space pixie. 'He's testing me. He's asking me to wait. Now is not the right time, I can't question him or his plan'.

Faith is not a choice, it's something you've been convinced of, usually at such a young age that it's out of the scope of your review process. It's internalized and often defended with territorial ferocity and irrational fervor. People routinely die or let others die merely because they're convinced of some fundamental deception about how the Universe works, and because being wrong can be so uncomfortable...moreso with a longer investment in an erroneous idea.

It behooves people to unravel their assumptions when reviewing ideas...including their own. How one responds to a challenge to one's beliefs is a test of courage, integrity and intellectual honesty.

Some people, when challenged on their belief in god, simply try to paint ruses and confuse or distract you, especially right before you trap them in unassailable logic (they can see it coming usually). Some will talk over you, or try to pressure you into shutting up, or threaten violence or change the subject or pretend to be distracted, or pretend 'evolution' or 'Darwinism' is on equal-footing with their god-belief in order to make it seem as if you're both in the same boat of religion. Nobody likes to feel stupid, but nothing makes people feel stupid faster than defending a barbaric, irrational religion with someone who can reason better than a child.

The courageous and intellectually honest-theist hears about the logical contradiction of how a loving god lets babies suffer and die and says, 'You're right, that's pretty crazy, I wouldn't let babies die if I were god'. This is an honest and no-nonsense response. This is how a *reasonable* person responds to the logical contradiction when pointed out. The reasonable theist, after being faced with this devastating argument from evil, should step back a bit and re-examine his faith on the spot and not make excuses for their killer god anymore than someone would be tolerated making excuses for Hitler or Stalin.

That's right, few of us would let babies suffer and die if we were god, because we're nicer and more logical than god. An all-powerful being, who knows everything and is *good* would simply not let this happen. Furthermore, god can't 'let' anything happen because he *makes* it happen...yes, if he's truly all-knowing, he knows everything for infinity past and future, meaning everything that happens is exactly to his plan: every miscarriage, holy war, epidemic, the rise of Hitler and venereal warts. All exactly to god's plan, and nothing that an all-powerful being wants can be denied, right?

Growing up, I was a devout Catholic, though in high-school my new circle of friends and experiences at various churches and youth-groups had me gravitating toward a more 'born again' Christianity. I prayed before meals and at night, read the Bible, made religious artwork (some of which I still have), communicated with God on a daily basis...asking him for stuff, thanking him, giving him credit or asking for guidance. I would acknowledge the cross in my room, and I distinctly remember playing guitar at a Christian youth-group I would attend on Tuesday nights...talking about God and religion and the Bible and such. The 'no true Scotsman' fallacy does not apply here (since some annoyed theists would simply deny that I was a 'real' Christian).

My family was Catholic (Irish-Italian) and my religion-primed brain readily accepted other hokum that my family believed: telekinesis, psychics, ghosts, Satanic lyrics embedded into backward-played records and other phenomenae. I actually destroyed my AC/DC album 'Back in Black' because I thought I heard 'Oh Lord Satan' in the lyrics when played backward. My mom was upset that we were Dungeons and Dragons fans, thinking it was somehow Satanic, and I remember my Dad being upset with certain art my brother made thinking it was Devilish or evil in some way. They weren't fanatics, but my family was definitely infected with religion, and they went back to be re-infected at our local Catholic church on a regular basis.

In 1989 at age 20, I was working with a somewhat zany yet brilliant software engineer at a new company making Nintendo games. He was my boss but our relationship was more like workmates/friends. We discussed everything under the sun while we worked into the wee hours making games...everything from Transcendental Meditation to the wonders of Indian food to how many fairies could dance on the head of a pin, and religion. He was a funny guy...not forceful in his atheism or high-pressure or anything, but questioned my logic when it came to my defense of a god-belief in his characteristically witty manner. I had never heard Christian apologetics, but I made plenty of apologist arguments and fallacies such as the argument from numbers (a lot of people believe it), Pascal's Wager (safe bet to believe rather than end up in Hell), and other unwitting apologist claptrap or outright fallacies.

This issue with Pascal's Wager is that it doesn't consider the fact that you lose a lot of time and resources praying to the wrong god if you end up in say, Islamic Hell or praying to a god which isn't even there. Argument from numbers doesn't work because the majority of people have been on the wrong side of a lot of issues (astronomy, slavery and civil rights, women's rights, etc.).

What happened was, his arguments made sense to me, but it internally embarrassed and infuriated me to be bested logically. I felt like a lawyer defending my client 'God'.

I knew that something was wrong. Either my client was a murderous and wantonly evil tyrant as he was saying it was depicted in the Bible, my client didn't exist as claimed or I needed to do more Bible-research and find explanations for this stuff.

Spurred by what I felt were logical defeats and seeking to defeat his arguments, I did some research. I looked up the Bible phrases he mentioned depicting god's killing sprees or when god's name is invoked by those on killing sprees. I checked out the babies being dashed on rocks, the hatred and recommended stoning of homosexuals, the condoning of slavery and instructions for keeping them, etc. Everything he generally mentioned about the Bible was shocking because I thought I knew my Bible, but more shocking when I verified the atrocities within the Bible! Suddenly, it was seeming like a whole different book. How come I didn't hear about this stuff in church? Why did we believe this whole book, but the priest only talked about the nicer stuff before the collection plates went out?

Then, it dawned on me. I was simply lied to, or those who were talking about the virtues of the Bible were either seriously omitting the bad parts, or were just as clueless about the bad parts as I was. It seemed that none of the atrocities of the Bible (aside from the snake-framing, the flood and Hell) were discussed, and since those who sit passively in church listening can't really stop a sermon to ask questions, nobody ever learned anything but what the priest felt like talking about unless they delved deep into their Bibles themselves (with a critical mind). No wonder the Catholic church banned reading the Bible for yourself in most of its history.

Within a month, I had rejected the Bible, and fired my client 'God'. I realized he didn't exist, and couldn't exist with all the evil in the world.

Isaiah 45:7 reads:

'I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.'

Well, of course. Either god made *everything* as claimed or he didn't. If he didn't, then he's just a co-god, where another god is making other stuff. This would mean he's not the 'only' god and certainly not all-powerful if he cannot stop evil or stop creating it. If god is *good* then he'd want to stop suffering. But, Isaiah 45:7 clearly states that God 'created evil' and thus he IS evil. If God is everything, he is as evil as he is good. He is the hangnail, the stillbirth, the AIDS epidemic, and the kid-diddling Catholic priest. Be relieved there's no god, because if he does exist he's an evil bastard.

Either way, within a month of meeting and discussing real issues with the first atheist I met, I rejected my belief. It took some courage (willing to face objections head-on without ruses or game-playing), integrity (willing to follow logic where it lead me) and intellectual honesty (willing to admit being wrong).

20 years of inculcation unraveled in a month. It was disturbing and difficult though. One does not release a lifelong faith without some kind of trauma...because I felt even reviewing the evidence put me in very bad stead with God, which I still believed in until I didn't. But, it's like going against a cult-leader. The more you resist, the angrier he is and the more you lose your support in the cult. Once you're out, you can see it was the best thing you ever did, but it gets harder (and scarier) before it gets better.

Giving up the idea of gods was a huge weight off of my mind and conscience. No more did I think a space-pixie was watching my every move. I had true privacy and I could finally sleep-in on Sunday without guilt. No longer did I accept any other crazy ideas which were predicated on god, or spirits, the devil, an afterlife, etc. I also released the crazy idea that Jewish people killed Jesus, as I no longer believed in Jesus as a diety who 'died for my sins'. Women were no more responsible for the downfall of mankind simply because they failed the talking snake apple-test framed by God. I was free to delve into the scientific wonders and explanations of the world such as evolution and astronomy, since I didn't have to experience a battle in my mind between Creation as explained in Genesis vs. the findings of science. I no longer had to lament how many times God ignored my desperate prayers, or answered insignificant ones, allowed gluttony for some while others starved or let some die while others thrive.

The injustice in the world is expected in a world without a god (and worse with god), but it's humans who can make things better. My mind was finally free of the crazy myths of Bronze-age desert nomads and I was free to take the world on its own terms, for better or worse. I had to rely on myself and my fellow humans without wasting energy appealing to some murderous space-pixie.

It was the most liberating experience I've ever had in my 41 years.

No matter how old you are, or how uncomfortable it is....always follow logic where it goes. Resisting, mental-trickery, ruses, semantic-games, all of those distract from the pursuit of truth and retard our collective progress. It will also make those who see through the ruses lose a lot of respect for the person's courage, integrity and intellectual honesty. If one avoids logic simply because it's uncomfortable, it's like the drug-addict or alcoholic who can't get clean because he wants to avoid withdrawl symptoms.

The beauty of being a good critical-thinker is that there's no truth with a capital 'T'. You're free to adjust as needed, honing your knowledge as new data comes in. In fact, the human enterprise relies on this process as we discover more about the Universe we live in...and we all benefit. Yes, even the young-Earth wack-a-doo Creationist who argues over the Internet about the dangers of EVILution probably doesn't comprehend the irony.

Sometimes, the truth hurts, but it's well worth it.

-dB-