Patti Stanger (The Millionaire Matchmaker) is Still an Idiot!

What's wrong with this woman?

So, readers of this fine blog already know I can't stand Patti Stanger, but I just wanted to recap more of her idiocy.

For one, don't trust a matchmaker who's single. Ok? Nuff said on that.

Second, she insulted the gays recently saying they couldn't be monogamous, and then changed her story saying it was just L.A. gays. Still not true, Patti. Did you want to narrow your search further to an L.A. County suburb, nutbag?

She talks about guys being 'ageists', but did anyone mention that she's anti-atheist? She's so incredibly dippy that she thinks astrology and psychics are real, and she seemingly expects people to be as loopy and spiritual as she is, like it's some kind of benefit. Hint, hint Patti, you don't work for 'God' as you've recently claimed on Andy Cohen's Millionaire Matchmaker Reunion Show (Part 2) because there's no god, but even if you did work for he who spun the Cosmos into being...why is he being so stingy helping you find love? Maybe she's not impressed by your performance.

I still remember the one atheist guy on the show and he was rejected from the dating pool pretty quickly. Listen Patti, not everyone believes crystal healers can 'fix' people or in your spiritual nonsense. A fucking millionaire could be a short, albino atheist and still meet plenty of people without your 'help'. Seems to me that a lot of millionaires simply use Stanger as a madam or they just want to be on TV.

Somehow Patti thinks redheads can't get dates either. Yeah, do you think Nichole Kidman struggles to find men? How about your widely-despised and two-faced New York housewife friend, Jill Zarin? Speaking of Zarin, I am not impressed with the friends Patti keeps, either.

What's with the stupid ass rule on no sex before monogamy? How the Hell is a couple supposed to know if there should be monogamy without knowing how the sex is? How will they even get to the sex if they can't discuss real issues, such as politics or religion? It seems the only one who gets to talk about religion is Patti, as she carefully vets who is Jewish, who's a Shiksa (non-Jewish woman) or a Chupacabra (someone who is Jewish who doesn't appear Jewish, from my understanding). She sure loves to talk about who is Jewish, while one of her rules is that couples can't talk about religion or politics. This is funny, since Patti always seems interested in which of her dating candidates are 'spiritual' as if it's somehow a good thing. One of her worst clients was a devout Christian! I've never seen her hook up an atheist, but I think atheists might be on average too smart to pay a nutjob like Patti to give them bad advice. ;) So, the people who self-select and go to a loudmouth like Patti are probably desperate to begin-with.

Patti is also a height-ist. I've heard her refer to guys of average height (around 5'8") as munchkins or whatever derogatory word her sloppy brain and unfiltered mouth blurts out. Guys are taller than women on average, but they're not wearing heels either. It seems to me that Patti is kind of a tall woman who loves her heels and still wants guys to be taller than her, and her frustration about this is obvious, but so is her superficiality.

It's one thing to get on someone's case for attitude, but for height? One could easily refer to Patti as a loudmouthed, unfeminine moosey-douchebag, but I'll save that for later. ;)

I guess I am guilty of passing judgement too, because Patti Stanger is an idiot and there's probably not much she can do about it.

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Pop Culture Update!

Millionaire Matchmaker: Ok, I already knew Patti Stanger was an excitable nutbag, but now she's hectoring one of her millionairesses to get her 'Chakras' aligned with 'crystal healing', as if something was wrong with her client's personality AND as if this wacknut new age woo woo could remotely do anything about it.

The woman is a millionaire you stupid dolt, she doesn't need your crackerjack bullshit! Go back to being a Madame for gold-diggers and giving your mixed-metaphor nutball advice as your brain struggles to keep up with your mouth. ;)

Real Housewives of Atlanta: Amazing. Cigarette-sucking Kim Zolciak still doesn't know she can't sing, and to top it off, Kandi is saying Kim screwed her out of the earnings promised from her production work on 'Tardy for the Party', even though Kandi graciously let it go. Now, Kim's saying she doesn't like Kandi's new song written for her, but the reality is, there's no way in Hell Kim can sing it even with AuToTuNe hard at work. Hmmm, maybe Kandi is giving Kim a little public payback for her lack of appreciation? 'Sing this, bitch!' LOL.

Kim, I Googled you, and I guess the song didn't mean a thing eh? You should pay Kandi what you owe her for making you famous. I guess money can't buy you talent (or a work ethic).

Meanwhile, Kandi had Sheree's hairdresser Lawrence in for a production session and despite those 'grown lady bills', the man can sing! I see great things for them to come. Kandi, for all her grammy-winning talent deserves someone who actually likes to sing and puts the effort in.

Sheree's dancing is bad as Kim's singing, and I think she's just as delusional about how good she is. Ugh, it was painful to watch....and judging from her partner's face, he seemed to agree.


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Millionaire GoldDigger Matchmaker!

Ok.

So, I understand some guys are rich, like rich enough to be called millionaires. Great. Why any of them would actually use the 'Millionaire Matchmaker' service is beyond me. I mean, women can smell money, and few things are more attractive to them than money, right? Yes, of course they love money (even if they deny it). It represents power, freedom, indepedence from a crushing 9-5, freedom from oppressive bosses and few worries about paying the gas bill.

So, why on Earth would some guy put the Golddiggers™ of the world on notice that he's ready to be fleeced? Maybe the women who sign up to meet millionaires through this service are just looking for a true love, you know, the simple life where important needs are met.

This suit is NOT black.

Like zombies slowly convening on their prey, these gold-diggers close in on their targets, brushing aside red-flags to hopefully develop genuine feelings for a rich guy. Makes sense right? Why fall in love with a poor guy if you can work toward the lap of luxury, get on MTV's 'Cribs' with your front-and-faced energy drinks or better yet, start your own clothing line (along with all the other housewives who married rich and suddenly became fashion-designers).

To make it worse, the emasculating Chrissy Somers lookalike biatch that runs the service is telling these guys, accomplished millionaires, how to date? We're not just talking ideas, we're talking about specific instructions about where to go, what to talk about (or not talk about) and when to start laying out the bucks for 'nice' dinners?

Here's an idea, just match me up with a gold-digger and shut the fuck up! These guys can do their own talking, after all, they made a million bucks before they met you, right? How the fuck are these guys supposed to find out how wack-a-doo these chicks are without actually discussing anything important, like religion or politics? What, is the guy supposed to be engaged with a caterer hired before he's allowed to find out the airhead he's dating practices Santeria, has a knitting-bee social with psychic ghost-hunters or likes to protest abortion clinics on weekends while listening to Rush Limbaugh podcasts?

If I were one of these rich dudes and single, I'd be stealth-rich. Walk around like a poor bastard in some beaten-down Datsun B210 straight outta 1975, wearing an old pink Izod (collar up LOL) and rockin' Tiffany's 'I think we're alone now' on my stereo cassette player as I pull up. Maybe even a Flock-of-Seagulls hair-do to top it all off. Let's see how far they 'run....run so far awayyyy'.

I figure that would be a good filter....better than two bitches on my jock coz I made some money. Forget Millionaire Matchmaker.

How about Thousandaire Matchmaker? Might be more interesting.


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